


Never Ask You to Surrender

by Maeve_of_Winter



Category: Men's Hockey RPF
Genre: Age Difference, Alternate Universe - BDSM, Angst with a Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Kneeling, M/M, Praise Kink, Trope Subversion
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-10
Updated: 2019-10-10
Packaged: 2020-11-28 18:24:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,553
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20971016
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Maeve_of_Winter/pseuds/Maeve_of_Winter
Summary: Kneeling has never worked for Charlie. Throughout his years in Juniors and college, it's only left him with grief and a long string of angry and unsatisfied Doms upset he can't submit to them.But subs are supposed to kneel. Rookies are supposed to kneel. So when his Dom captain asks, Charlie resigns himself to the worst and agrees, only to discover that Chara might just be the compassionate kind of Dom he's needed all along.Written for this prompt on the hockey RPF kink meme: "D/s-verse or A/B/O-verse with Chara as a loving Dom/alpha."





	Never Ask You to Surrender

**Author's Note:**

> So I wrote this fic because I love Chara and wanted there to be more positive fic about him in his tag. I really like him and McAvoy, and I thought these photos of them together were really cute: https://lee-peee.tumblr.com/post/183655907017/thought-id-make-a-thread-of-our-favorite
> 
> I love Charlie and I love Big Zee, so if you ever want to chat, here's my [Tumblr](http://maeve-of-winter.tumblr.com/). Feel free to submit any headcanons or ideas you'd like to see pop up in fic.

Cold dread churned in the pit of Charlie’s stomach as he sank down onto the proffered cushion in front of the sofa. Chara was already sitting there, leaning back into the cushions, looking relaxed and in control. 

As he should. He’d probably had over a dozen rookies kneel for him since he became captain. This process was no doubt routine for him.

It was routine for Charlie, too. Just in a much different, much more godawful way.

Well aware that he was already shaking with nervousness, Charlie tried to focus on his breathing, hoping that it would also distract him from thinking of the inevitable conversation he’d be forced to have with Zee in just a few minutes.

He’d already tried kneeling throughout Juniors and in college with both teammates and trainers. Not once had it gone well for him—instead of feeling relaxed and weightless, all his troubles far away from him, Charlie’s panic and anxiety had only spiked as the technique that worked for every other sub out there failed to do anything for him. As _ he _ failed to go down for every Dom who either offered or was assigned to him. Never had he been able to so much as come close to getting into subspace through kneeling.

Charlie knew what it meant: he was a failure as a sub. And he’d come to terms with it a while ago. But his captain was only seconds from knowing all about it—fuck, he hated the idea of Zee thinking less of him for it.

Squeezing his eyes shut to concentrate, Charlie willed himself to stop trembling, trying to focus on controlling one area of his body at a time, starting with his shoulders. But just when he thought it might be working, one of Zee’s enormous hands came to rest on his shoulder, and Charlie wasn’t able to stop himself from giving a pronounced flinch, his eyes shooting open.

Immediately, Zee withdrew his hand and leaned away, giving Charlie space. He was making sure Charlie felt _ safe. _

“Charlie.” Zee’s deep voice was gentle, clear concern in his tone. “Are you all right? Is something wrong?” 

Guilt surged up inside of Charlie at Chara’s obvious worry for him. His captain was _ such _ a good guy, both on the ice and off, and Charlie loved playing on his line and getting to see him in action during the game. And now he was so _ earnest _about checking if Charlie was okay.

If there was any one Dom who deserved Charlie’s obedience, it was Zee. And Charlie desperately wished that he wasn’t too broken to give it to him.

“No,” Charlie hurried to tell him, determinedly staring at the couch cushions so he wouldn’t accidentally meet Zee’s eyes. “It’s fine. I’m okay. Let’s keep going.”

Out of the corner of his eye, Charlie was able to watch Zee nod in apparent acceptance, and cautious relief began to trickle through him. A far-fetched hope started to take hold that he might be able to do it this time, might be able to kneel for his captain and actually go down into subspace. 

Then Zee tried to reach out to him again, and already anticipating his anger, Charlie reflexively went to dodge his hand. 

For a moment, both of them just froze. To Charlie’s embarrassment, as if the situation wasn’t already mortifying enough, he could feel tears welling in his eyes. And try as he might, determined to save some kind of face in front of the man he so loved and admired, he couldn’t force them back down.

“Charlie.” Zee’s voice was still so gentle, and hearing it made Charlie feel even worse, because he definitely didn’t deserve to have his captain be so good to him, not when Charlie couldn’t manage to be a good sub. “What’s wrong? What’s the matter?”

Charlie shook his head. “Nothing’s wrong,” he said, trying to sound convincing, but his throat was already audibly clogged with tears. 

“You’re not being honest with me,” Zee said quietly. 

Heat crept into Charlie’s face as traitor tears began to spill down his face. Even though Zee’s tone hadn’t been reprimanding, he couldn’t help but feel entirely overwhelmed and devastated, like he was screwing up the one good thing he had. 

Carefully, Zee cupped Charlie’s chin and tilted his face upward, giving him no choice but to meet his eyes. While it crossed Charlie’s mind to fight against it, he didn’t bother resisting, not wanting to prove to be even more of an uncooperative sub than he already was. Zee was probably disgusted with him now; he didn’t want to make the situation even worse.

When he forced himself to meet Zee’s green gaze, he was surprised to find only care and worry on his captain’s face, which shifted to dismay as Zee realized that Charlie was crying. Immediately, he reached out for Charlie, but then he paused, hesitating.

“Would it be all right?” he asked softly, still keeping eye contact with Charlie. “Would you be all right with me holding you?”

Dropping his gaze, Charlie could only nod shyly, not trusting himself to speak and not really trusting his luck enough to hope. He longed to be held and comforted by a Dom who didn’t take his difficulty as a personal affront, but he couldn’t help but flash through the various Doms he’d tried out in the past, the ones whose sweet nothings had morphed into snide derision when Charlie wasn’t able to submit to them.

Zee didn’t do anything like that. Instead, he easily scooped up Charlie and settled him in his lap on top of his huge thighs, wrapping his arms around Charlie’s torso and holding him close against his warm chest, securely but not too tight. 

“Is this nice for you?" he asked Charlie softly. “Are you okay?”

“Okay” would be an understatement. Charlie could barely believe Zee’s response to his failure was to cuddle him, to draw him in closer and treat him tenderly. Other Doms he’d been with had just ended the session instantly and then treated him like he’d just shot their dog, reacting to what they perceived as Charlie’s rejection of them with an even more thorough rejection of him.

Not Zee, though, Charlie thought to himself, barely able to believe it. Zee didn’t seem angry about it at all. He just seemed worried.

“I’m okay,” Charlie rasped out, his tears subsiding now. It helped him feel just a little bit better, just a tad more in control. 

“I’m glad.” With as close as he was to Zee, Charlie could sense the vibrations of his throat as he spoke. “I want you to be happy, Charlie. I want to know if you’re being bothered by something.” His grip around Charlie’s middle tightened.

Charlie recognized it as an invitation to speak, to explain to Zee just what the hell was the matter with him, but he wasn’t sure if he wanted to take it, not right now. Because for once, it seemed like he was with a Dom who honestly cared about what was going on with him, not one who just got pissed at him because he couldn’t live up to their expectations for subs. 

And even if Zee didn’t actually care about him? He was still Charlie’s captain, and Charlie really did fucking love him.

Since he didn’t know what to say, he didn’t answer. He just curled up even closer to Zee, and, after debating about it for several moments, nuzzled into his neck, breathing in Zee’s woodsy scent and letting it comfort him. He hoped Zee would be able to understand.

Maybe, Charlie dared to risk hoping, he’d found him. Maybe he’d found the Dom who actually wanted to work with him instead of casting him out when they realized he would prove too high-maintenance.

Thankfully, Zee seemed to get it. One of his hands came to rest on Charlie’s shoulder, staying there for several seconds, testing him. When Charlie didn’t react, after a minute or two, Zee began slowly stroking the back of his head, trailing his fingers through Charlie’s hair down to the nape of his neck. 

“So good for me,” Zee murmured fondly. “You’re doing so well.”

_ Good? _No Dom had ever called Charlie good before. Charlie was fairly certain that none of them had even thought it. But Zee spoke with such certainty, like he really believed it. And Charlie really, really wanted him to believe it. 

Leaning in to Zee’s touch, Charlie just let himself be held by his captain, only slightly startled when he realized it was the only time he’d ever felt content and loved with a Dom.

After a little while of sitting together on the couch, Chara pressed a gentle kiss to Charlie’s forehead and carefully slid him off his lap. Charlie blinked; with as comfortable as he’d been with Zee, he’d almost fallen asleep in his arms. The thought alone had color rising in his face, but it also didn’t seem at all unpleasant.

“I’ll be starting dinner for us both,” Zee told him softly. “Will you be fine to stay here?” he asked, resting one palm on Charlie’s cheek. 

“I can help,” Charlie offered, scrambling to get up. He wanted to prove himself to his captain, show that Zee was right, that Charlie _ was _ a good sub.

But Zee stopped him, putting a large hand to his chest and pushing him back against the couch. “I want you to rest for now.” He indicated for Charlie to lay back down, and, once Charlie reluctantly did so, grabbed a blanket from the other arm of the couch and spread it over him.

“Just stay like this,” Zee instructed him, rubbing his back soothingly. “I’ll come and get you when dinner is ready. Okay?”

Charlie nodded, his stomach twisting and the gears in his mind turning, trying to figure out if he’d done something wrong, why Zee wouldn’t want him to help out with dinner.

But Zee just gave him a reassuring smile and a kiss on the temple before exiting the room. He didn’t seem upset or annoyed, Charlie noticed hopefully. Maybe he wasn’t angry at anything Charlie had done. Maybe he just needed some time to himself, Charlie reasoned, trying desperately to keep positive and not give in to the swell of insecurities surging within him.

With the uncertainty of Zee’s reaction nagging at him, Charlie wasn’t sure he’d be able to actually relax, but he still closed his eyes to rest, wanting to obey Zee. And somehow, after several minutes of tossing and turning, his anxieties rising around him like a flood, he was able to quiet his mind enough to sleep. And after what seemed like only a few minutes, Zee was back with him, lightly shaking his shoulder. 

“Dinner is ready. We can eat now, if you want,” he told Charlie, coming to sit down beside him. 

He gathered Charlie into his arms again, holding him for just another few seconds, and it was amazing how just the simple embrace had tingles shooting down Charlie’s spine. He just felt so content and happy when Zee was holding him, and Zee himself was so dependable, so reliable and consistent. Charlie felt safe just being around him. Normally, he was left uneasy around Doms, always preparing for the moment when they inevitably turned against him.

As much as Charlie wanted to luxuriate in the touch and the feeling of finally being _ right _and just have Zee hold him again, he knew they both needed to eat. What’s more, he didn’t want his Dom to think he wasn’t appreciating his efforts, so he just nuzzled against Zee’s neck again to show his affection before pulling back. 

“Dinner sounds wonderful,” Charlie said, putting as much gratitude as he could manage into his voice. “Thank you so much for fixing it for us.”

Zee just smiled at him. “Of course. You’re welcome any time,” he told Charlie, and as they walked over to the dining room, he put an arm around Charlie’s shoulders, drawing him in close. 

When he did, Charlie couldn’t help but preen a little bit, pleased to be so desired by his Dom, but new anxiety was already swelling within him. Would Zee want to talk about his mini-breakdown earlier? What if he tried to ask Charlie about why he had trouble with kneeling? What could Charlie even say, and would Zee accept his answer?

But Zee didn’t mention anything about it as he loaded up Charlie’s plate with a quinoa toss of kale and bell peppers, and the only time he mentioned anything related to hockey was when he pointed out the platter of chicken he’d also prepared for them.

“Make sure you’re getting as much protein as you can,” he reminded Charlie. 

He was in prime captain mode, Charlie realized fondly, giving heartfelt advice on nutrition to a younger player. 

“As a general rule for your first year, when you’re hungry, eat protein,” Zee went on. “Even just for a snack. And remember that older players know themselves and what their bodies need. You’re still learning, and that’s fine. But it’s much better to be safe instead of sorry when it comes to the amount of food and amount of times you need to eat.”

Charlie nodded, a rush of affection toward his captain running through him. True, he already knew what Zee was telling him, but he also loved that Zee cared as much and as genuinely as he did, that he still wanted to give Charlie advice and check that he was taking care of himself. 

And honestly? He kind of liked being fussed over, to have Zee worrying over how much he was eating. It was very . . . sweet? That didn’t seem like the right word, but Charlie didn’t know how else to describe it. He just knew that a warm feeling rose in his stomach as he listened to Zee.

“I’ll make sure I do that,” Charlie promised, picking up his fork. “It looks delicious. I’m sorry if I made you go to any trouble,” he added guiltily, unable to block out a sliver of shame

But Chara just reached out a long arm and gave Charlie’s hand a reassuring squeeze. “It’s never any trouble when it’s you, Charlie,” he said, and his tone was so sincere that Charlie could feel a flush creeping up his neck and warming his face.

“Thanks, Zee,” Charlie barely managed to whisper, both incredibly happy and embarrassed at once. He almost didn’t remember to squeeze Zee’s hand back, only doing so when Zee was already withdrawing his arm. But he was able to dart forward just in time to clutch at his captain’s mammoth fingers, earning a smile from Zee as he did, which brought him to flush even further.

Seeming to recognize Charlie’s turmoil, Zee kept dinner conversation light, asking if he’d had the chance to explore Boston at all and recommending a few of the sights. 

“We’ve been given a beautiful city to call home,” Zee said, in a voice so sincere and a touch awed that Charlie couldn’t help but smile. “Our lives get busy, but we should remember to appreciate the place where we are. Especially when it has so much to offer.”

“Jake and I actually went out on one of those swan boats in the park the other day. We almost capsized,” Charlie admitted sheepishly. It wasn’t his most glorious moment, sure, but it was so easy to talk to Zee, and he didn’t feel bad sharing it with him.

Zee threw back his head and laughed, a rich, deep sound that Charlie ached to hear more of. “If you ever want to have more adventures on dry land, I’ll be happy to show you some of the best spots,” he offered.

“I’d like that,” Charlie replied eagerly, knowing he probably came across as overenthusiastic but pushing aside the stab of self-consciousness. His mind was filled by a sudden vision by him and Zee eating dinner together at a restaurant at the harbor, the evening breeze off the ocean sending a chill into the air, sending him to cuddle against Zee for warmth. Zee would respond by wrapping an arm around Charlie’s shoulders and pulling him closer.

Charlie could feel his cheeks begin to heat up at the ridiculous, romance-novel-ish fantasy, but just as he went to roll his eyes for himself, he realized it was ridiculous for another reason: it assumed Zee would want anything to do with him when he realized Charlie would never be able to sub for him.

The simple reality of it was that he probably wouldn’t.

“Charlie.” 

He looked up to find Zee watching him closely, a soft expression on his face.

“We’re going to be okay,” Zee told, his voice calm but certain.

Charlie wasn’t sure that he believed him, wasn’t sure that he should take the chance, but it was really nice of Zee to comfort him. So he just nodded.

It wasn’t until they were mostly finished with their dessert of fruit salad that Zee raised the subject that had brought Charlie to his house in the first place, addressing his fears directly.

“You didn’t like kneeling for me,” he said evenly, without any kind of judgement. “It didn’t help you.” 

“It wasn’t because of you,” Charlie replied instantly, because he didn’t want Zee to think he’d done anything wrong or that Charlie disliked him. And he didn’t want to say the next part; he didn’t want Zee to think he was a fuck-up or a bad sub, but he also didn’t want Zee to be hurt. 

No choice, then, but to admit he was a failure.

He took a deep breath and forced himself to look straight at Zee. “Kneeling just never worked for me. I’ve been kneeling since Juniors and during college, and it’s never calmed me down or helped me focus or any of the other bullshit it’s supposed to do.” 

It wasn’t until the words were out of his mouth that he realized what he’d said, and he almost didn’t regret it, because honestly? He was goddamn sick and tired of hearing about how great kneeling was supposed to be for everybody. It had always just plain sucked for him.

But with a sudden surge of self-consciousness, Charlie remembered that it wasn’t just anyone who he was gracing with his candid opinion. It was his captain. 

With new tension coiling in his muscles, he dared a glance at Zee’s face.

Chara was frowning slightly, and Charlie automatically cringed at the sight, but when Zee spoke again, he seemed confused and worried rather than outraged.

“Kneeling does not work for you,” he repeated in that deep voice of his. Not for the first time, Charlie observed that he spoke a heartbeat or two slower than most people did, as if he were carefully considering each word before it left his tongue. 

“Yeah. That’s right,” Charlie managed, his heart pounding in his chest as he waited to see how Zee would respond. 

Would he call Charlie a sorry excuse for a sub like so many Doms before him had? Would he order Charlie out of his house?

His frown deepening, Zee looked at him squarely, expression puzzled. “But then . . .” he spread his hands. “Why did you agree to kneel when I asked? You said yourself that it doesn’t help you. You’ve known for a long time. Why wait to tell me until now?”

“I—” Charlie didn’t know what to say or what to make of Zee’s reaction. “That’s how it’s supposed to work, isn’t it? You’re the captain, I’m the rookie. And you’re a Dom, I’m a sub. You tell me to kneel, and I kneel.”

“First-year player,” Zee replied instantly, his voice firm. “You’re not a ‘rookie’, you’re a first-year player.” 

“Sorry,” Charlie said shamefacedly. “I’m sorry, Zee. I’m so sorry.” 

He wasn’t sure what he was apologizing for—using the term Zee had banned from the locker room, being a thoroughly useless sub, or either of the above. All he knew was that he was screwing everything up, that his captain was going to walk away shaking his head and wondering how the hell Charlie had ever managed to make it to his team.

But again Zee surprised him, outstretching his arm to grip Charlie’s hand again. His expression was contemplative but gentle. 

“No need to be sorry,” he told Charlie softly. “That should be me. I apologize; I wasn’t trying to be rude to you. But I don’t want you to feel like you have to act a certain way just because an older player tells you that you should. Not when you know it’s the wrong choice for you.” His grasp tightened. “I will never ask you to kneel for me if it just upsets you. And if anyone on the team ever tries to make you kneel, you must tell me. If kneeling isn’t good for you, then it’s not good for anyone involved.”

Stunned, Charlie leaned forward, studying his captain’s face, struggling to process what he had just told him. He wanted to believe him, wanted to think that Zee was being honest, but how could he be? All throughout Juniors, college, and then in Providence, kneeling had been upheld as gospel, an absolute essential for subs in hockey. And yet here was Chara, letting him know he didn’t have to kneel if he didn’t feel like it.

“You’re serious?” he croaked at Zee, barely able to form words with the half-formed thoughts racing through his brain.

“Why wouldn’t I be?” Zee countered gently. 

Charlie just shook his head slowly, even as new optimism began to trickle through him. “In Juniors, all they talked about was how important kneeling was, how you should expect to be kneeling all the time for your Dom if you were a sub . . .” he trailed off. It was in Juniors when he realized just how utterly screwed he was, how he’d never be able to properly please a Dom and therefore would never be wanted. It had been awful to carry that knowledge with him to every practice, every game, every time he grabbed a beer with his teammates after practice.

“It’s nonsense that subs should kneel if it doesn’t help them,” Zee returned firmly. “Kneeling was started all to help subs. So why should a sub kneel if it’s not helping? What kind of a Dom would still want them to kneel? Hockey . . .” Zee waved his hand with a type of dismissiveness and irritation Charlie had never seen from him before, and it had his eyes widening. His captain was clearly speaking very openly regarding his thoughts on the matter. 

“Years ago, hockey started an idea that kneeling would help any sub who tried it,” Zee went on. “Since that time, kneeling for subs has become traditional. But just because something is tradition doesn’t mean it’s the right choice. And if a tradition is damaging to anyone, if it’s causing them harm instead of good, then it’s time for that tradition to be broken.” He looked meaningfully at Charlie. “I feel that way about hazing first-year players. And I feel the same about kneeling. So, yes, I’m serious when I say you don’t have to kneel for me or anyone else. I won’t hold it against you.”

His fears finally put to rest, Charlie slumped back in his chair, the tension that had been a constant strain on his muscles now draining away. Knowing that Zee didn’t hate him or look down on him for not being able to kneel lifted an enormous burden off of his shoulders. Letting out a shaky exhale, his fingers began to tremble again, this time due to sheer relief. He very nearly couldn’t believe what he’d heard, but it was true. It was real. And Zee. Zee had made it real.

“Charlie?"

It took a moment for Charlie to focus on Zee’s voice and then find his face, but when he did, he could see that Zee was wearing that worried look again.

Pushing back his chair, Zee stood and wound around to the side of the table where Charlie sat. Putting a hand on his bicep, he carefully tugged Charlie upward, and Charlie automatically stood, even if he didn’t feel very steady on his legs yet.

Again, Zee put his hand on Charlie’s cheek, tilting his face upward. “You were very nervous about what I would say, weren’t you?” he asked quietly.

Charlie didn’t trust himself to speak just yet, so he only nodded. 

Zee drew him into a tight hug, pressing Charlie into his chest as if trying to shield him from anything that could ever harm him.

“It’s all right,” Zee murmured to him. “I only want you to be happy, I promise. That’s all I want for you.”

Charlie burrowed against Zee’s chest, desperate to be as close to him as possible, wanting the certainty of knowing he had Zee, that Zee would be there for him even though Charlie was nowhere close to being an ideal sub.

“You make me happy, Zee,” he whispered to Zee as he clung to him. Maybe it was too honest, too raw to say, but he needed Zee to _ know. _ “Just being with you makes me so happy.”

Zee kissed the top of his head lightly. “If you want me, then you have me. I’d like to be your Dom, Charlie. I’d like to take care of you.” He stroked Charlie’s neck, and Charlie sighed at the touch.

It just felt _ right. _ It felt so natural to have Zee touching him and holding him like he was doing now. Still, a nagging sense of obligation had Charlie reluctantly confiding in Zee again. 

“I’ve never been anyone’s sub before,” he admitted, not looking at him as he spoke the pathetic truth out loud. “Not even, like, casually. When I couldn’t go down for Doms through kneeling, none of them wanted anything to do with me.”

A low scoff emitted from Zee’s mouth. Charlie reflexively tensed, but Zee was quick to soothe him.

“It’s all right. I’m not upset with you,” Zee reassured him. “Just with what you described. It’s another reason I don’t think kneeling should be considered as critical as it is. It encourages Doms to be lazy, to try to use the same method over and over without considering if it fits with what the sub actually needs. And then the subs are the ones who are ridiculed for not trying hard enough.” He stroked across Charlie’s face with one thumb. “That’s over for you now. I won’t do that, and I won’t let anyone else do that to you. Ever.”

“Thank you,” Charlie whispered, too overwhelmed to manage much else. He wanted to say something else, something more eloquent, to tell Zee just how much it meant to him that he didn’t look at Charlie as a failure. But he couldn’t find the words and he didn’t have the energy to search for them, so he just grasped Zee tighter. 

“It’s only what you deserve,” Zee said softly. “All subs deserve a Dom who’ll do what’s best for them instead of what’s easy. And I want to be sure I’m doing best for you.” He gave Charlie’s shoulders one last squeeze before gently untangling himself from his arms and stepping back.. “I’m going to start cleaning up in the kitchen. If you want to go wait for me on the couch—”

“No.” Vague panic surged through Charlie. He couldn’t be separated from his Dom just after finally finding him. He clutched at Zee’s arm and sent him a pleading glance, not caring if it made him look pathetic. “Please don’t make me stay by myself again. I want to stay with you.”

Confusion flashed across Zee’s face, and then realization dawned. “Did you think I had you lie down on the couch earlier as a punishment?”

Charlie shrugged, embarrassment coursing through him at both at his neediness and his evident mistaken impression. “I didn’t know what to think about it. I just knew I should be doing what you told me, but I just wanted to be near you.” He could feel his face growing red as he spoke.

“Charlie.” Zee took his face in both hands, looking down at him with his brow knit in concern. “I didn’t have you stay on the couch because you disappointed me. I did it because I knew you were upset, and I wanted to give you some space to rest and decide if you wanted to talk.” He hugged Charlie close again. “I’ll always tell you if I’m upset with something you’ve done, and I’ll never make you feel alone as a punishment. I’m not that kind of Dom.”

A warm, shivery sensation rippled through Charlie as he hugged Zee in return. _ Dom _. Zee was speaking to him as his Dom now. Just the thought had Charlie flushing happily.

“Can I help you clean up, then?” he asked, looking up at Zee. Honestly, he felt pretty stupid for asking permission to do chores, but he was rewarded with a kind smile from Zee.

“As long as that’s what you want,” Zee replied, and Charlie nodded eagerly, his confidence bolstering slightly.

Standing at the sink alongside Zee as they worked together to load the dishwasher brought an odd kind of contentment to stir in Charlie’s chest. He loved being with Zee like this, in just a little domestic moment; he liked working as a team with him even off the ice.

The calm contentment dissipated, however, as a question he couldn’t ignore bounced around his mind, until he finally took a deep breath and voiced it. “So, um, what kind of Dom are you, then?”

“Hmm?” Zee glanced down at him curiously. “What do you mean?”

Charlie could feel himself blushing again, but he forced himself to explain. “You said that you weren’t the kind of Dom to isolate me as punishment, so I was wondering how you, uh, see yourself as a Dom.”

“Ah.” A look of understanding came over Zee’s face. “Of course you should ask that. It’s only natural.” He put a steadying hand on Charlie’s back as he held eye contact with him. “My priority as a Dom has always been caretaking. Making sure my subs feel happy and comfortable and satisfied. I’ve tried sadism, but I have no interest in it. Same with violence. Anything that could hurt my subs or make them doubt themselves or them doubt that I care for them are not things I like. I want my subs to know that they can always trust me to support them and make them feel better, not worse.” 

Charlie nodded slowly, absorbing every one of Zee’s words and assessing each of them, trying to make sure he wasn’t missing anything important. “That sounds good with me,” he said, pleasure curling within him as he considered what Zee was describing. He really did like the thought of Zee taking care of him, not begrudgingly, but genuinely enjoying having Charlie there with him, even enjoying fussing over him. “But, um—” he swallowed, “—did you have any thoughts on what I could do for you instead of kneeling?”

“I had an idea.” Zee glanced at him thoughtfully. “But I wanted to ask you first: do you know what it is you don’t like about kneeling? Is there something about it that upsets you?”

Blinking, Charlie realized that he had never considered the question before, and for a moment he stood silent in thought. Zee reached down and carefully extracted the freshly scrubbed plate from his hands.

“Take your time,” Zee encouraged him. “You don’t have to answer right now. Just think about it.”

Charlie was thinking about it, even though it ignited a fresh spark of discomfort to flare beneath his skin. It wasn’t any small feat to try to submerge himself in the failures that blemished every past attempt to sub, to think of the disappointed looks from trainers and the frustrated digs from teammates he’d previously liked and had thought liked him in turn.

A hand that still smelled of citrus dish soap clamped down on his shoulder, and he turned to find Zee watching him with concern.

“You don’t have to say,” Zee said quietly. “You don’t have to linger on moments that are painful for you. I just thought—”

“It’s okay.” Charlie let out a deep breath and tried to give Zee a smile. “I think I know why. I guess it’s because of the distance between me and the Dom? Like, whenever I did, it just seemed so cold and empty, like they didn’t actually care about me. I was just there kneeling, and none of the Doms ever, you know, touched me at all.” Color was rising in his cheeks, he knew. He was pretty sure he sounded really stupid. “I mean, not at the beginning. Later on, when they could see the kneeling wasn’t working—when they’d get impatient—”

“They hit you?” Chara’s expression was thunderous, the first ounce of outright anger Charlie had ever glimpsed on his face.

“Not hitting,” Charlie assured him, unable to suppress a stab of warmth at Zee’s outrage on his behalf. “Just . . .” he could only offer an uneasy shrug. “Just little things they could do to scold me. Shaking me by the shoulder because they thought I wasn’t concentrating or pinching at my neck. Like that would help me focus,” he added scornfully, a rush of old anger returning to him. “They never hurt me. But they made sure to show their disappointment in me.” 

“I’m so sorry you had to go through that,” Zee told him, sincerity and sadness on his face. He gave Charlie’s shoulder another squeeze. “I’ll never do anything like that to you.” 

“I believe you,” Charlie said without hesitating or even realizing what he was saying. 

His mind whirled as he heard his own words, and he was left struck by them—he really cared about Zee, and it felt good to be with him. He loved the thought of being with him. But did he actually trust him?

Since he didn’t know the answer, he ducked his head and turned his attention on rinsing off the last plate remaining in the sink. “Anyway, I think the distance between me and whatever Dom was the problem. It felt like I was just being forced to go through the motions without any investment from the Dom. And I mean, it’s not like I was putting my heart into it, but—” he broke off, not sure how to finish without seeming like he was making excuses.

But Zee’s eyes didn’t have any judgement, only compassion, and he put an arm around Charlie, drawing him close and tucking him against his side. “It’s hard, isn’t it? To give your all to another person when they’re not doing the same for you. And it’s especially difficult if you’ve been hurt before.” He gave a thoughtful hum. “You said it was too cold and empty when you were kneeling for a Dom. But you like me holding you. Am I right?”

Embarrassment swept through Charlie again, but this time, he was also fighting a smile off his face. “Yeah. Uh, I like that a lot, actually.”

Zee patted him on the arm. “Perfect. Then I have a plan for us.”

* * *

Ten minutes later, Charlie found himself standing before the couch again as Zee settled himself at one end. Once he was comfortable, he looked over at Charlie and patted his thigh.

“Whenever you’re ready,” Zee told him gently.

Face flushing again, Charlie nodded, lowering himself to the couch as well and lying down on his stomach, turning his head and placing his cheek against Zee’s thick thigh. He tried to ignore that he was trembling again from being in such a vulnerable position and in such close contact with a Dom, instead attempting to concentrate on relaxing as much as he could. But it was difficult; he was nervous, and he really wanted to impress Zee, to let his new Dom know he was making an effort.

“That’s it,” Zee said softly. “You’re doing so well. You’re so good for me, Charlie.” 

Zee’s hand made contact with the back of Charlie’s head, and then Zee was gently running his fingers through his hair, the pads of his fingers ever so slightly massaging Charlie’s scalp. It was an incredible feeling, and under his tender touch, Charlie’s tension and stress began to dissolve into nothingness. 

“Mmmm,” he groaned in pleasure, feeling too at ease to even acknowledge the prick of self-consciousness that accompanied being so expressive around a Dom.

He wriggled a little bit, but not very much because he was already so comfortable, trying to retain his position but press closer to Zee as well. The denim of Zee’s jeans scratched faintly against his cheek, but not enough that it bothered him, and he could feel Zee’s body heat radiating through the fabric to warm his own skin. When he closed his eyes, he was filled by the sensation that he was weightless and floating, utterly relaxed with no cause to be worried by anything around him. It was a magnificent feeling, one that seemed like he’d been waiting for his entire life.

Above him he could sense Zee shifting, switching his one hand from Charlie’s head to rest his large palm in the center of Charlie’s back, and then resuming stroking Charlie’s hair with his other hand. The persistent gentle stimulation combined with the steadying, constant touch was both soothing and electrifying at once, and Charlie thought he might melt with how peaceful and right he felt. There was no wariness about what this latest Dom might do to him, just a sense of complete calm and contentment, along with vague joy at finally achieving it.

“How are you doing?” Zee asked softly. 

Charlie could barely form words, he was so blissed out. “So good,” he muttered drowsily. “Never been like this before. Like it.”

“I’m glad I could help you get there,” Zee said, that earnestness that Charlie adored back in his voice again. 

God, he loved Zee so much. His captain was just amazing, plain and simple. He’d made sure Charlie finally felt wanted, finally felt like he _ belonged. _

It was a great effort to manage to lift his hand, but Charlie did, wanting to comfort Zee like Zee had comforted him so many times that night. Blindly, he fumbled for Zee’s nearest hand, and when he finally grasped it, he twisted Zee’s fingers into his grip, clutching as tightly as he could.

Zee chuckled, and Charlie just nuzzled against his leg, the sound of Zee’s deep laughter sending tingles shooting through his entire body. Then, still grasping Charlie’s hand, Zee began stroking the back of his palm with a calloused thumb.

“We’re going to be okay, Charlie,” Zee murmured to him, his voice low but certain. 

Earlier that evening when Zee had told him that, Charlie hadn’t been sure if he could believe him.

But now, utterly settled beneath Zee’s hands, surrounded by the warmth of his body, Charlie knew he definitely did.

**Author's Note:**

> If you ever want to chat, here's my [Tumblr](http://maeve-of-winter.tumblr.com/). Feel free to submit any headcanons or ideas you'd like to see pop up in fic.


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